It has been quite a while and I thought by now I should be able to summarize things up....But the truth is there is no conclusion and there never will be...I have so much to talk about but I dunno where to start or how to begin :(
I guess I am good at screwing things up and running away from the mess...you know the old saying? Out of sight, out of mind! I couldn't despise myself more....such a jerk I am..It has always been like that...i screw things up...i cry and mourn about it...i regret...and i run away....I hate myself so much for being good at regret but not repent?? Why I never seem to learn my lesson T___T
This awful habit of mine has showed its trait since my younger days...When i recall all the memories...all those unforgivable mistakes...all those shed tears and heart breaking moment...my heart aches and regret is eating up my conscience...how terrible a person i am :(
Those moment like these are still vividly in mind...I remember those days I used to sneaked into the kitchen when my grandma wasn't watching...tip-toed to the wooden cupboard where food and dishes were stored....peeping through the netting so I could snatch some food to nibble, even when meal time was just half an hour to go....even i knew that grandma would slap me on the wrist for that...even if i knew mom was going to make me eat only rice for dinner...i never knew why but it seems like old people dun like the kids to nibble...I still do that all the time because of one reason: I knew my grandpa would cover up for me....somehow knowing someone will always backing you up makes me feel fearless or sometimes reckless...because someone would clean up the mess...because someone love u enough to always give in and let go your misdeeds...until today the force of habit still got on me every now and then because i have been extremely lucky...but sometimes it keeps me wonder, how much luck is there left for me? Can't I just for once learn and grow up :(
The next time when I falls, will there still be someone who willing to catch me or someone who love me enough to fall with me? The next time when I run away, would there be anyone who is willing to run together with me?
p/s: I'm moving...drop me a massage to ask if you care to read :)
I guess I am good at screwing things up and running away from the mess...you know the old saying? Out of sight, out of mind! I couldn't despise myself more....such a jerk I am..It has always been like that...i screw things up...i cry and mourn about it...i regret...and i run away....I hate myself so much for being good at regret but not repent?? Why I never seem to learn my lesson T___T
This awful habit of mine has showed its trait since my younger days...When i recall all the memories...all those unforgivable mistakes...all those shed tears and heart breaking moment...my heart aches and regret is eating up my conscience...how terrible a person i am :(
Those moment like these are still vividly in mind...I remember those days I used to sneaked into the kitchen when my grandma wasn't watching...tip-toed to the wooden cupboard where food and dishes were stored....peeping through the netting so I could snatch some food to nibble, even when meal time was just half an hour to go....even i knew that grandma would slap me on the wrist for that...even if i knew mom was going to make me eat only rice for dinner...i never knew why but it seems like old people dun like the kids to nibble...I still do that all the time because of one reason: I knew my grandpa would cover up for me....somehow knowing someone will always backing you up makes me feel fearless or sometimes reckless...because someone would clean up the mess...because someone love u enough to always give in and let go your misdeeds...until today the force of habit still got on me every now and then because i have been extremely lucky...but sometimes it keeps me wonder, how much luck is there left for me? Can't I just for once learn and grow up :(
The next time when I falls, will there still be someone who willing to catch me or someone who love me enough to fall with me? The next time when I run away, would there be anyone who is willing to run together with me?
p/s: I'm moving...drop me a massage to ask if you care to read :)
3 comments:
heibi, hamisu?
Wubi just some thoughts. Dun worry I am fine :)
By the way I am surprised you are still reading this blog. It's so dead ;p
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